


The Bliss of Chaos

by kaeorin



Series: Loki's Lullabies [87]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies), Thor (Movies)
Genre: Avenger Loki (Marvel), Avenger Reader (Marvel), Avengers Family, Carnival, Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fun, Games, Pre-Relationship, Protective Loki (Marvel), Reader-Insert, Summer, Team Bonding
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-21
Updated: 2020-06-21
Packaged: 2021-03-03 21:48:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,516
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24832630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaeorin/pseuds/kaeorin
Summary: On a team outing to a local carnival, you spend a surprising amount of time with Loki.
Relationships: Loki (Marvel)/Reader
Series: Loki's Lullabies [87]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1678240
Comments: 15
Kudos: 228





	The Bliss of Chaos

**Author's Note:**

> Listen, so someone on Tumblr requested a Lullaby wherein the Loki gets dragged to a fun fair and I loved it but there was SO MUCH that I wanted to include that I accidentally ended up writing...like...a regular fic instead of a short little thing you can read as you drift off to sleep. Sorry? Not sorry? I'm not sure. Honestly there was even more that I really wanted to write BUT I wanted to be able to finish the fic in one afternoon so I had to cut things off a little.

You were getting really good at hiding your surprise. To be fair, you were getting a lot of practice. Tony had really doubled-down on the amount of “family outings” that he insisted on, and Loki was allowing Thor to drag him along to almost every single one. He never really seemed to enjoy himself, and tended to keep himself just on the outside of the group, but he went with you. Early on, you’d spent most of the time absolutely distracted by his presence. He caught you staring at him way too often, but you reassured yourself by telling yourself that you were only checking to see that he at least didn’t appear to be downright miserable.

Sometimes when he caught you looking at him, you couldn’t miss the way he tried to smile at you, and that was nice.

Today, you were headed to a carnival. It was mid-summer, and the weather was exactly perfect for cavorting in the sun. Loki brought a book. You eyed him on the way there, but he didn’t look up at you a single time. When you arrived, everyone piled out of the car. The promise of games and rides and carnival-food had more or less allowed your teammates to slip back into something like childlike innocence. They were chatting happily and making plans about what to do first. Even Bucky was smiling, which was kind of a miracle in itself.

Tony seemed to enjoy playing the part of a generous father—he was the one to stand in line at the ticket booth, and he was the one to buy everyone’s wristbands. He even flirted a bit with the girls in the ticket booth, which made them both giggle and blush. Sure, it felt kind of odd to be a grown adult and watch your teammate step into the role of a father, but you couldn’t help but grin when he winked at the girls and guided everyone through the gates. He really embraced his role: he dutifully put the wristbands on everyone’s wrists and delivered the standard “don’t talk to strangers” routine to each of you.

The group split off. Some people wanted to check out the rides first. Some wanted to scout the food trucks. Some took off towards the games. You hung back a little, and were therefore the only one to see the way Loki slunk off to a bench near the gates. He sat down, opened his book, and broke your heart. At this point, maybe the others didn’t think it was such a big deal for him to join the rest of you on trips like this, but they still hadn’t bothered trying to include him in anything. You looked around for a moment, taking in the giddy chaos of the fairgrounds. This seemed like such a Loki kind of place. He should be able to enjoy it.

He didn’t look up when you came over to join him on the bench. You forced yourself not to look at him, and to keep your attention on the people around you instead. Families wandered past with children that laughed and screamed. Groups of teenagers milled about, cloaked in that adolescent awkwardness that you still remembered painfully. Even couples walked by arm in arm, smiling dreamily at each other.

“Aren’t you going to join them?” You weren’t quite surprised to hear Loki’s voice, cool and aloof, but you were maybe a little shocked that he spoke to you so quickly. When you turned to look at him, he jutted his chin in the direction that the team had taken. “The others?”

“Dunno,” you said with a shrug, and leaned backwards against the back of the bench. A warm breeze carried the clattering roars of the rides’ engines to where you sat, and you took in a deep breath of the smell of all that fried food. There was a lot to do here. It felt wrong to be sitting down. “Aren’t you?”

He scoffed. You told yourself that it was silly to think you could read his thoughts based on that sound alone. “I’m not sure I care to roam through hoards of New Yorkers today and watch them all flinch and cringe away from me.”

Ah, right. You ducked your head. The city still did not look kindly on Loki. It seemed that, no matter how many missions he went on in order to keep them safe from the monsters that sought to devour, they couldn’t—or wouldn’t—forget who he’d been on his first appearance here. You spent a lot of time worrying about how he must feel in the Tower, working with the team that had tried to disable him that first time, but you hadn’t really considered what it’d be like to see regular people look at you with fear in their eyes.

“I’ll protect you!” you said, almost without thinking about it. As soon as you heard the words come out of your own mouth, though, you smiled and turned more of your body to face him. You didn’t get recognized in your civilian gear as much as, say, Steve or Bucky did, but even if people thought you were just a random person walking with Loki, surely that would be enough to calm a lot of their fear. “Or I’ll distract you. Just focus on me, instead of all these people. Please? I’ll buy you a funnel cake!”

He studied you for a long time. His face was stony. Your mind kicked into high gear, trying to figure out how else you could convince him into venturing out into the crowds—or guilt him into it, if you had to. It wouldn’t be easy to manipulate him, and, as stubborn as he was, surely it wouldn’t be easy to convince him, but, inexplicably, it had become so important to you that Loki enjoy himself today.

But then he rolled his eyes and closed his book. Your heart surged in your chest. You wanted to leap to your feet and clap your hands together, but you maintained some semblance of control. Instead, you smiled at him. When he stood up, he offered you his hand. You looked at it for a moment. Had you ever touched him before? Surely you’d remember something like that, right? You looked up at his face, and he pulled his hand away. “Unless you think _they’ll_ think I’ve kidnapped you.”

Rather than answer him aloud, you reached out to grab his hand. He was smart. If you held his hand, others would see that you weren’t afraid to touch him. They’d see that you liked him. You didn’t look up at him again once you stood beside him, and the two of you made your way into the crowds.

The teeming mass of people quickly made you glad for Loki’s cool hand in yours. It wasn’t quite claustrophobia, but you really didn’t care for being around so many people. In all your time in the Tower, you’d forgotten that. People pressed in around you, bumped into you as they ran past, and you found yourself squeezing his hand tightly. Loki became your anchor. He kept you grounded, kept you from spinning out into anxiety about all the people here. 

“So what do you think?” You asked, looking up at him. “Food? Rides? Games?”

He scanned the crowd—his height made that easy for him—and finally looked down at you. “What kinds of things do mortals do for thrills?” He asked. It was impossible to escape the screams of people on the rides around you. You could hardly blame him for being curious. You grinned and led him towards the rides.

He was fearless. He wanted to try absolutely everything—even the kinds of rides that you tended to avoid in hopes of self-preservation. Something about him made you swallow your fear and join him. They were rickety old carnival rides, sure, but they’d been running for years and there had yet to be any great tragedies. So you rode them all right beside him, and caught yourself treasuring the way he sounded when he laughed. 

He didn’t seem to like the rides that put you in free-fall. As much as he tried to hide it, you couldn’t miss the way he fell deathly silent on those kinds of rides, and the way his face looked especially pale and pinched when you finally got off. In all honesty, you felt the same way. They reminded you too much of the times you had to jump off of buildings to try to get to safety on missions. They always made you sick, and depending on how intense they were, they actually made your body ache. It was hard to tell exactly what he was remembering when a ride seemed to drop him through the air, but you knew that there was something.

After riding the giant pirate ship, he seemed especially wobbly. You got the two of you safely off of the ride, and then pulled him carefully to a quiet spot away from people to catch your breath. “Do you want—Can we take a break from the rides for a little bit? Would that be okay?” It wasn’t just for him, either. As much as you could appreciate the way the adrenaline flowed through your veins, maybe you were getting a little too shaken up.

He straightened his shoulders. For a moment, you worried that he’d try to pretend that all was well and insist on finding another ride, but when he looked at your face, he must have seen something that made him pause. He nodded. 

You smiled.

The two of you wandered among the food trucks, then. The smell of deep-fried everything was delicious, if a little overwhelming. Sausages and onions were cooking, and fries, and endless burgers and hot dogs. Loki scoffed and made some comment about the absolute garbage for sale here, but his eyes gave him away. They lingered on a particular truck, the one sending out massive buckets of curly fries. You got into line without a word, and he gave you a look as he joined you, but did not protest. You ordered a single bucket and, almost on a whim, a couple of hot dogs. When you got your food, you made your way to a section of picnic tables. It was hard to say whether it was luck or Loki’s presence which got you a table to yourselves, but, either way, you appreciated it. 

At first, you hadn’t expected to be able to make much of a dent in the bucket-o-fries, but between the two of you, you certainly managed. Loki was chattier than you might have expected, and kept going even after you’d both finished eating. He asked you what you’d thought of the rides, told you how he’d liked them, and, here and there he’d point out a particularly-interesting character somewhere in the distance. He was great at people-watching. Had you really expected anything different? All too often, you found yourself just studying him. The sunlight was bright, and the way it sparkled in his eyes and in his hair kept catching you off-guard. If he noticed, he didn’t let on.

Someone walked past your table with a large plate of fried dough, and you couldn’t miss the way Loki’s eyes followed him. You wanted to laugh, but rose to your feet instead. “Funnel cake!” You exclaimed. “I promised you a funnel cake! Stay here to save the table, okay? I’ll be right back!”

And you darted off without much of a second thought. The line for this truck wasn’t quite as long as the one for the fries, so you weren’t gone long. Still, when you got back to the picnic area, the mood seemed to have shifted. People weren’t chatting quite as loudly. You couldn’t ignore the nervous looks that people were exchanging. They were looking at Loki. Your heart sank. You should have known better. You drew in a deep breath and marched right over to him, but, instead of taking your spot across from him, you joined him on the same side of the table. Gathering up all of your courage, you even leaned in to kiss his cheek like this was something more than teammates hanging out. More than friends. “I’m so sorry,” you mumbled near his ear before you pulled away from him. “I didn’t think.”

He gave you a strange look as you sat down. Probably it was the kiss. Maybe that was too much. You ignored the burning in your cheeks as you put the plate of dough on the table in front of him. At least things around you were starting to approach normalcy again. It was like your presence was enough to assure the onlookers that either they were mistaken about who Loki was, or else that maybe he wasn’t interested in subjugating them today. 

You made eye contact with a mother a few tables over. She’d turned to shoot the two of you a cautious look over her shoulders, and it was hard to keep from downright scowling at her. In terms of public relations, it’d be dumb to sit here next to Loki and glare at people for being nervous, but damn if it didn’t make you so _angry_. They had no idea how hard he fought alongside the others they worshipped, how hard he fought to keep _them_ safe from the hidden monsters in the world who meant to destroy them. 

Loki leaned into you, then, and you felt him press his lips to your cheek now. “Focus on me,” he said simply. “They don’t matter to me.”

Your heart thudded in your chest at the way his breath danced across your skin, but you did as he asked. “They don’t know anything. They’re _wrong_.”

“I know.” He put the plate between you and gestured towards it. “How do you eat this?”

You laughed quietly and ripped off a piece of dough with your hands. It was messy, but the taste instantly transported you back into childhood. It was hard to keep from smiling. After a moment, Loki followed suit. Powdered sugar dusted the front of his shirt, and he brushed at it with a look of disdain that made you laugh. 

“You might as well leave it until you’re finished,” you said as you tore off another piece. “Otherwise you’ll spend more time trying to clean up than actually enjoying it.” As if to illustrate your point, a breeze blew powdered sugar straight into your shirt, and you just accepted it with a shrug. 

It was clear that Loki was not a fan of the messiness of the funnel cake, but he didn’t stop eating it. That made you feel good. It was hard to resist fried dough. Though conversation felt a little stilted and awkward for a few moments as the two of you tried to shake off the weirdness that surrounded you, eventually you were back to chatting and laughing like you’d been earlier. When he was finished, he stood up right away and brushed all of the sugar off of his front. You laughed, but followed suit. 

“It’s not bad, but I’m not sure it’s worth it,” he said dryly. “It’s rather...slovenly.” He reached out towards you, then, and brushed at a patch that you’d missed. It was silly to take such a thrill in his touch, right? You laughed again, this time maybe a little more off-balance, and took his hand in yours. 

“You’re absolutely wrong. It’s definitely worth it.” You scooped up your garbage with your free hand and pulled him towards a garbage can. He let you. If any other wary gazes followed you on your way away from the tables, neither of you noticed.

A little while later, you found yourselves among the games. The area was filled with flashing lights, with bells and buzzers, with games operators yelling at the people walking by, trying to entice them into spending money on a game. It was a little dizzying, but Loki didn’t let go of your hand. Men called out to you as you wandered, and to Loki. Near the end of one particular aisle of games, a man with light hair caught your eyes and winked at you.

“Hey, buddy, win your girl a prize?” There was something in his voice that made you uncomfortable. He was...smarmy. Kind of creepy. You squeezed Loki’s hand.

“She’s not my—” He started to speak, but cut himself off before he could finish. Maybe he was a little creeped out too. 

But the man’s eyes flashed with understanding and he grinned at you. “Hey, fair game. You wanna play then, sweetheart? I’ve got teddy bears. And unicorns. You strike me as a girl who likes horny things.” He gestured to his forehead like he was talking about a unicorn’s horn, but he didn’t fool you for a minute.

Try as you might, you couldn’t keep your lip from curling back in disgust. If the man noticed, he didn’t seem to care. Loki pulled you in a little closer to him and stepped between you and the carnie. His back was ramrod straight. You recognized his body language. You wanted to tug on his arm, convince you to go somewhere else, but he planted himself firmly in front of the man and lifted his chin at him. A challenge. 

Loki paid the man and took his fistful of darts. In theory, the game was easy. Pop so many balloons and win a prize. After the first few darts, however, it became pretty clear that it was rigged. From a distance, you couldn’t tell whether the darts were dull or the balloons were just under-inflated, but most of Loki’s first set of darts bounced harmless off without doing any damage. He snarled as he hurled his last dart at a balloon. His aim was perfect, but nothing happened. The man laughed. You tried to pull Loki away, but he wouldn’t budge. 

“Ouch, my man. Ouch. That’s gotta sting, in front of a pretty girl like that?” He tossed one of his darts over his shoulder at the wall, and a balloon popped effortlessly. Oh, he was taunting him. You pulled a little harder on his arm, but he yanked his hand free of yours.

“Loki! Forget it, he’s cheating. They do this all the time.” You wanted to reach for his arm again, but, truth be told, it kind of stung you how easily he’d pulled away. “Let’s go do the bumper cars, okay?”

He spun to face you, and the fury in his eyes made you pause. You just managed to keep yourself from taking a step away from him, and he rewarded you by softening his face. “One more time,” he said softly, like he was trying to placate you. The mischief glinting in his eyes betrayed what he was really doing. “I think I can do it. Let me try one more time.”

You watched as he paid for another round. The man handed over more darts, and gave you another wink as he did. Loki drew in a breath and reached over to rest his hand in the small of your back. He threw one dart after another, and each one flew sure and true through the air. If someone didn’t know what they were looking at, they might have assumed that the greenish light sparkling on the darts was simply a reflection of the game’s lights, but you knew better. You tried not to smile. 

The man wore a sour face as he held out a small stuffed bear. Loki studied it for a moment before lifting his eyes to the much-larger toys hung above the board, and indicated them. “I thought those were the prizes.”

“You gotta win five of _these_ first,” he shook the bear in his hands, “and then you can trade them in for one of those.”

The look that Loki gave you spoke volumes. He wanted to teach this boy a lesson. It wasn’t hard to guess that Loki had his eye on the giant stuffed snake that wrapped around all of the other toys hanging there. And who were _you_ to deny him? So you tried not to roll your eyes, but nodded wordlessly at him. 

If you were the one throwing the darts, you might have blown one or two, just to be a little less obvious that you were cheating. But Loki had a point to prove. He made a big show of lining up his shot and taking practice-swings with the dart in his hands, and each dart that he sent flying popped a balloon. Before long, your arms were full of those little stuffed bears and the carnie’s face was growing red. At long last, Loki got his fifth bear, and you thrust them all back at the light-haired man. “I think he’d like to trade these in, please,” you said as sweetly as you could muster. 

He grumbled and got up. “Which one do you want?”

To your surprise, Loki looked down at you. “Well? Do you want the...” He paused, and wrinkled his nose rather elegantly. “...horny thing?”

You kind of wanted to argue with him over this— _he’d_ won the game, so _he_ should pick the prize—but you didn’t want to turn this into a bigger deal than it was. A bit of a crowd had already gathered around you. So you swallowed your pride and fixed the carnie with a steady look. “I want the snake.” 

The man had enough sense this time to keep his comments to himself as he pulled down the snake. It was at least as tall as you were. When he handed it to Loki, he immediately wrapped it around your shoulders and then gave you a rather satisfied smile. The snake was thick enough to be a little awkward to keep perched there, but you had to admit that you liked the feel of it. You felt like maybe it’d keep that guy’s eyes off of you. Sure enough, when you looked up at him, he had his back to you so he could study the board and the balloons. 

The two of you slipped easily through the crowd. You had to keep one hand on the snake to make sure it wouldn’t slide off and land in the dirt, but you found that you...really liked it. Loki didn’t let go of your other hand. He pulled you off to one side, away from the crowds, and as soon as you looked at him, you both broke down into laughter. You laughed until your stomach hurt, until you felt like you couldn’t stand up straight. The rest of the world seemed to fade away until it was just you and Loki and your giant stuffed snake.

The day faded into night. You met up with the rest of the team again for dinner, and listened to Thor’s breathless tales of mastering the worst of the rides. Wanda made an appropriate amount of fuss over your snake, and you were proud to tell the others that Loki had won it for you, leaving out the bits about the sleazy carnie and Loki’s magic. Thor seemed pleased. Even Tony grinned at Loki and nodded in a way that felt like something bigger. Maybe it was just a habit from the rest of the day, but Loki rarely let go of your hand. You sat beside him at another picnic table with the rest of your friends and the both of you ate one-handed while your clasped hands rested on his knee under the table. Though the breeze was growing chill, there was a warmth glowing inside you that seemed to come from a day well-spent. You were tired, and probably sunburned, but you felt _good_.

The ferris wheel was your last hurrah. The whole team got into line and, though you had to wait for ages, the easy-flowing conversation made it feel like nothing. Eventually, your turn came to board, and you settled into the seat with—who else—Loki. Neither of you spoke for a long while, and the wheel turned slowly. When you were near the top, you strained your eyes towards the entrance to the carnival, and pointed to get his attention. “Look, there’s that bench,” you teased. “I’m really glad you decided not to sit this out today.” There was so much else that you wanted to say. In the Tower, you’d always tried to respect his privacy. You never wanted to force yourself on him, so maybe you spent too much time kind of avoiding him. But you _liked_ him. You’d known that long before today. He was quiet, and he could be kind of sullen, but he was so smart, and so witty. Today, you’d probably spent more time with him than you ever had before, not including time spent on missions. You let your arm fall to rest in your lap, and you weren’t overly surprised when he covered it with his own. “Thank you for hanging out with me today.”

“The pleasure was mine.” He didn’t sound surprised by that fact. You turned your head to look at him, and you had to catch your breath at the way he looked. He was at once lit-up and shadowed, sparkling with the lights that twinkled below you, but still mostly in darkness. And he was smiling. At you. Your heart skipped a beat, but you forced yourself not to look away.

“Would you—ah...hm...” You started speaking before you really planned to say anything at all. You cleared your throat, desperate to keep from showing too much eagerness, too much desperation. “Would you maybe want to do something like this again? Maybe not _this_ this, but...something? Like, with...me?”

He didn’t say anything for a long time. You looked away from him after a few moments, certain that otherwise you’d have to watch his face fall as he worked out a kind way to turn you down. But he _was_ still holding your hand. Just as you were about to tell him to forget about it, it was fine, he raised your hand to his lips and kissed your knuckles.

“I think I’d like that.” His lips continued to brush against your skin as he spoke. Your stomach tightened pleasantly. That was like a yes. 

The night breeze cooled your burning cheeks, and carried up to you the sound of people screaming in delight. Even knowing that the sounds came from all the rides below you, you couldn’t help but feel like they were all celebrating with you. You were smiling so hard that your cheeks were starting to hurt. The wheel continued to turn, and soon the ride operator was opening your cart to let the two of you out onto solid ground once again.

Loki squeezed your hand.

It felt like you were still high above the city.


End file.
